


Double-Disaster of a Romance

by Nazorin76



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Biphobia, Bisexual Male Character, Body Dysphoria, Depression, Eating Disorders, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insomnia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Mysophobia, Obsessive-Compulsive, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pining, Slow To Update, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2020-12-09 08:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20991962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nazorin76/pseuds/Nazorin76
Summary: Eddward made it into a great university, of course, it's just far away from his friends in the cul-de-sac.  He thought it would be fine, but it's not the same, and by his sophomore year, he's in free-fall and it's starting to affect his grades.  Just when he thinks this year couldn't possibly be off to a worse start, he runs into Kevin from the cul-de-sac.





	1. Chapter 1: Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is super depression and mental illness heavy so watch out lol
> 
> Like I don't have anything graphic planned but like oof, dat mental illness tho
> 
> But! I must inform you that I basically only write happy endings so there's a bit of angst I guess but then there will be fluff later I promise
> 
> ~It Gets Better~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddward's daily morning routine.

His alarm went off exactly as it should have, at 6am, earlier than the sunrise. Eddward was earlier. 

He had been lying awake, silently, in the dark, through the night. Sometimes his eyes had been open and he gazed unblinkingly at the rough surface of the ceiling, the quietly whirring fan, the flickering fire alarm, the air conditioning vent. When his eyes were closed, no images nor dreams danced behind his eyelids. There was only a more claustrophobic darkness. 

He opened them now, and the generic dorm ceiling came back into focus. The alarm continued to beep urgently from his phone, gradually vibrating its way off of his bedside table-slash-dresser.

With a long, thin, pale arm that glowed slightly in the darkness in its whiteness, he snatched it right before it fell, and in the same motion dismissed the warning. Fully charged, as usual. 

Before he could read the calendar's reminders of his itinerary for the day, he turned the screen off and placed it face down back on the dresser in its designated spot between the lamp and a stack of textbooks (alphabetically organized). 

His arm retracted back into the cocoon of his hypoallergenic, fragrance- and perfume-free sheets and returned his glassy eyed stare to the apathetic ceiling. The fan continued to spin. So eager to go nowhere, only serving as an indication of the passing of time. 

The backup alarm went off at 6:30. With a long, deep breath, and even longer and deeper sigh, he deftly swiped this alarm off as well, but this time dragged himself to a seated position, resting heavily against the wall. The dorm beds didn't have headboards, or footboards; the bare minimum to qualify as a bed. 

Now he checked his messages through his scraggly bedhead, escaped from its tie, checked the weather, checked the news, the same dead-fish eyes skimming articles with no change in expression. 

Finally, he checked his schedule. Same as it had been. Same as always. Unchanged. Predictable. 

At 7am, the sun was beginning to brighten the edges of the dark curtains blocking his only window.

He, with much more gravity than his frail form should have entailed, lowered his feet to the darkly carpeted floor and pressed himself into an unsteady standing slump. He surveyed his room through the same lidded gaze. 

When his eyes reached his shirts hanging in the alcove, he remembered that he was about to dress. He tugged a shirt from a hanger which stuck askew. 

With one arm he slung his nightshirt to the floor, and, with the first haste seen that morning, pulled his fresh shirt on before he had time to contemplate his nudity. Nondescript, utterly inconspicuous, it was a shirt that actually gave the wearer less presence, exactly as intended. He straightened the hanger.

He let his pajama pants fall to the floor in a heap and stepped into a pair of dark navy jeans, secured by a simple leather belt within seconds. 

He stumbled to the bathroom and fumbled for a brush in the dark, knocking his comb and a bottle of shampoo to the floor with a piercing clatter, only caring slightly whether it might have spilled. He worked the knots from his long hair by feel. When he could run his fingers through it satisfactorily, he shoved his head to his eyebrows into a black knit beanie. 

Only now could he turn on the dim, flickering bathroom light.

He was momentarily blinded by the sudden brightness, and briefly considered just flipping the switch right back off. He focused on the high-pitched hum of the electricity to drown out his other senses. Soon he could see. 

He reluctantly faced the mirror and his own gaunt face, extraordinarily yellow in the unnatural light from the cheap school bulbs. 

He looked sick, he thought. He sighed quietly and wished he could get a doctor’s note for just looking sick. Not that he was necessarily the picture of health. 

He’d always been scrawny and unathletic, but once he’d moved away from his rabble-rouser friends in high school (due to his parent's careers) his injuries and ailments had been more... on the inside. 

He thought briefly of his skinned knees and elbows, sprained wrists and ankles, broken bones and concussion, and the correlating “scam” for every single trip to the hospital, band-aid and bruise from the day he arrived in the cul-de-sac to the day he moved away and smiled, if a little wistfully. He even chuckled, remembering Ed’s and Eddy’s faces during spectacular failures and impossible experiences. How ever did Ed separate Jimmy’s outline from his palette? How did he make a hole that could be moved and through which one could fall in a loop forever? Were they in a collective dream? Was the cul-de-sac water contaminated? Would he ever know? 

As he reminisced nostalgically on days long past, he washed his face, shaved, applied concealer to his dark circles, smoothed any wrinkles from his shirt and pants and lint-rolled himself, put a couple of eye drops in each eye, and cleaned his black-rimmed glasses carefully with their designated cloth before sliding them into his face. 

Finally, he regarded himself in the spotless mirror over his pristine sink - a pale young man; lanky, like he’d been stretched instead of actually growing; his complexion was clear; he quickly ran his fingers over every inch to feel for bumps or any imperfections. He smiled self-consciously - it was more of a grimace) and scrutinized his teeth - corrected to perfection by years of braces - gums, and the inside of his mouth. 

At last as satisfied with his appearance as he could be these days, he picked up the fallen bottle and placed it back on its labeled spot in line with the other bottles. A small mercy that it had not spilled. 

He hung his satchel on his shoulder and double-checked for his keys, ID, wallet (with cash and cards), first-aid kit (containing band-AIDS, gauze, painkillers, Motrin, tampons and pads), glasses case, lens cloth and cleaning spray, Chapstick, pocket-sized flashlight, pepper spray, pencil case (containing pencils, pens and erasers), pack of tissues, nail-clippers, nail file, toothbrush, floss, retainer case, mouthwash, breath mints, cell phone, earbuds, tablet (which held his digital textbooks), notebook and folder, measuring tape, inhaler and epipen, zanex, bento box, and napkins. Everything has its own labeled container and designated space, jam-packed and meticulously organized.

Of course, nothing had been moved or changed since he put them all in their places last night, but he checked anyway, as he always did. He had not yet been locked out of his room nor lost his ID and he had no intention of ever doing so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 (which is now posted yay) was originally the second half of chapter 1 so you can go right on and read them both like they're all one chapter.
> 
> Don't forget to smash that kudos button if you like my content, bookmark, subscribe, and leave a comment with your fav part etc!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Meet the Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddward sees, unexpectedly, Kevin on campus, just when he thought university couldn't get any worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically what I intended to be the second half of chapter one, with chapter one on here just being the first half, but I'm not gonna repost it as one, so yeah.
> 
> Also lemme just preface this by saying there's gonna be a lot of jock-bashing and like some (suspected) weeb-bullying?? (First of all i am a major weeb but anyway.)

Eddward was early for every class, only barely. That wasn’t early enough for him. 

He was marked present in attendance. He turned in all the homework he had. His hand scrawled notes in pen in each color-coded subject notebook. He got the first round of tests back.

He’d never gotten such low grades in his life.

He couldn’t see. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t hear. He found himself wishing the professors wouldn’t call on him.

Somewhere in the fog between each class, whatever information had managed to stick just... fell out.

The only thing that remained in his head was the bright red of the correction pen, strikes of a blade biting into his heart, splatters of blood staining the white sheets.

He had to do better. He had to work harder. He had to study more. This wasn’t good enough.

He shambled across campus through a blur of color and noise and people and traffic and vehicles and bikes and skateboards and beeping crosswalks and-

Everything was so distracting. It was too much. He just had to focus. Block everything else out.

The library was unusually empty, even for a Friday. He remembered, _incredibly, that he remembered something especially so trivial_, the email sent out by his RA… something about getting a group together to go to the home game (_? Sport?? Match? Ball??_) that weekend. He understood _for once_. How nice to get some true peace and quiet. 

He ended up studying all night, until morning the next day, without even realizing it until his phone reminded him to take his medication and supplements. 

He already couldn’t remember what subject he’d started with.

He packed up and headed to the coffee shop closest to the library driven solely by desire for caffeine, the weight of his unfinished homework pulling him into the core of the earth. 

Campus was almost as quiet as the library. He assumed everyone had cheered themselves out and was sleeping off their hangovers. 

As he crossed the street to the cafe something drew his attention from the corner of his eye, but when he looked there was only a group of fit-looking university students. 

Looked like undergrad scholarship athletes probably... about his age, but three times the size each. Had the build and attitude... 

Regardless, a pack of jocks wasn’t unusual in any case, especially near campus. 

Of course, he didn't mind looking at them - physically gifted young men with bodies honed by hours of work a day over years - even if they did strike primal fear into his heart, especially in groups greater than one, but he was momentarily puzzled as to why he had--

One of them adjusted his snap-back cap as he laughed.

His heart skipped a beat. Or two, and so did his feet--

That red hair, that voice--

He froze in place, a rabbit before a truck. He didn’t notice the look the driver he was blocking, by standing in the middle of the road, was giving him.

It couldn't be. He was imagining it. 

The group of boys was headed for him and getting closer. 

Edd frantically looked around for somewhere to hide. He ended up drawing their attention when he tripped on the curb and fell over a loose brick in his panic.

His binder fell out of his shoulder bag and the colorful folders fanned themselves across the sidewalk dramatically.

He was torn between scrambling to pick them up before his papers blew away or just dying on the spot before he had to deal with the entire situation. If he stared hard enough at the sidewalk, he would have to become a part of it, right?

The jocks’ conversation barely changed as they began to walk around him to the very cafe door, and they graciously seemed to ignore him until -

“-Double-D...?” 

Edd glanced up and felt faint. The boy was kneeling in front of him, light-green eyes looking right at him through his ginger bangs. The other boys glanced at him in confusion and made to continue walking past, but he reached for a binder, unaware.

“Double-D-- Eddward. Is that you? It’s you, isn't it,” he insisted.

Edd tried to calm his breathing.

“K-Kevin,” he squeaked.

Kevin’s questioning (_-and worried? No he was imaging that, as if he’d ever-_) face broke into a smile which confused Double-D.

“Hey! I didn't know you went here.”

“I- you - I do, but - what-”

“Cool, cool! Wow, what a coincidence - I just transferred in over the summer on a football scholarship.”

Edd gaped wordlessly. Kevin picked up folders while he talked, like he didn’t notice Edd was astral projecting back to some imagined hunter-gatherer ancestors.

“How come I haven't seen you around? Whoops, sorry, these are my teammates and some other friends who go here. Kinda got our butts kicked yesterday. Good match though.”

Edd glanced at Kevin’s companions like a mouse at a cat.

“I - I, I’m uh, not much into sports…” _WHY can’t my voice stop cracking for one sentence, just get out one complete sentence right now, please!_

Kevin wasn’t surprised but…somehow his smile was a little...sad?

“Right, right, I remember.” Kevin stood and held out the stack of folders and notebooks. Edd shakily stood and took them. His friends were shuffling their expensive brand shoes back and forth and putting hands in and out of matching emblazoned team sweat-outfit pockets.

“Well, we’re gonna go get some coffee, y’know, a treat after the game since we're not allowed to have alcohol, but...do you want to come with us?” 

All of his friends quietly groaned, but Edd could barely hear over his own pulse in his ears.

“Uhm-uh- well, a-actually, I have uh-a lot of studying to do for-uh-some exams next week-” 

His friends were relieved, but Kevin looked almost... disappointed.

“-So, uh-I’ll have to pass…”

“Oh… I see… Well, good luck on your tests. I'll see you around. Hey, let’s catch up sometime, alright?” He ended awkwardly, starting to turn to follow his already fleeing pack. The first had already dashed through the door, but still Kevin didn’t step away.

Edd stared like an idiot until he realized he was waiting for a response.

“-UH-! -Uhm, s-sure.” 

Kevin seemed satisfied, nodding, and left with a wave and a small smile. 

“Great! ...Well, see you later, then.”

He jogged after his starving friends who no doubt were going to have much more than a small black coffee.

Edd turned mechanically and marched like a toy soldier towards - he didn't actually know where he was going, but it was anywhere other than that coffee shop.

***

“Oh my god, Kevin what the fuck was that?” Jordan started immediately once they were out of earshot.

“What were you thinking? How do you even know that goth?” Brian added.

“What? Goth? He’s not- He was - uh, we went to middle school together...”

“That's it? That's why you talked to him?” Owen shudders. “Bro I see anyone from _HIGH SCHOOL_ and I _SPRINT_ in the opposite direction.”

“Well, I hadn't seen him since he moved, I guess-”

“That means you should have stayed EXTRA far away from him. Do you even know what he's like now? I mean, I sure didn't know him back in grade school, but anyone could tell he's weird. Just look at his weird hat.”

“Like you know anything about him except for what he looks like. I bet you've never even talked to him,” Kevin scoffed right back.

“Well, no, but we see him around campus and we all know he's weird and that's that! You don't want to hang around those kinda guys. Bad for your rep, bro. They’re probably into that dumb kids’ cartoon stuff or something else gross.” He made a face. “Like those sketch pervy Asian videos or whatever.”

“Yeah, dude looks like he’s never even been outside before. Maybe he’s a shut-in.”

“Well, I only ever see him in the library, alone. He’s got no friends.”

“Bet he listens to weird music.”

“Stick looks like he couldn’t bench a twig.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you guys were so judgmental,” Kevin’s tone was a little strange.

“Dude, we're telling you that guy is bad news. It's for your own good, man.”

They had reached the cash register and considered the matter closed.

“Anyway, you can use my campus cash, since they don't refund it at the end of the semester and I’m graduating, so…”

“Hey, I’ll have a quad shot Red Eye and two ham, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwiches,” and the topic is forgotten entirely in favor of food.

***

Eddward’s hands are shaking so hard he drops his keyring four times and cuts himself jamming his finger between the key and lock trying to get into his apartment. The door swings open under his weight and the handle slams into its dent in the wall (_there’s still no door stop, but not now-_). His backpack slides off his shoulders to the floor with a crash and thud of his full supply kit. He kicks his shoes off and slings his clothes onto the floor as he dashes through to the apartment to the bathroom. 

He stumbles in, straight to the shower, and turns on the water, lights still off Not even waiting for it to get warm, he slides down the wall to sit on the floor (_thank the stars he’d cleaned it recently but it wouldn’t stop him now if he hadn’t_) and wraps his arms around his knees, resting his forehead on them and rocking back and forth.

“Calm down, calm down, calm down,” he chants to distract himself from the fact that the most prominent bully from his childhood hadn't just reappeared in his life at his own school and remembered him, and lord knows how he was remembered. 

“In through the nose, out through the mouth,” he tells himself to breathe and wishes his heart would just be quiet.

But it would not just be quiet and thundered in his ribcage like too much bass from a party next door and shook him with the roar of his memories.

His head as well could not regain control and was filled only with thoughts of Kevin reappearing in his life after years of silence.

Of course they hadn't exchanged numbers when he had moved, of course they hadn't kept in touch. Eddward didn't have a Facebook or Twitter or whatever else normal kids had these days. 

He couldn't even manage his physical social life and had no need for a virtual one.

Compared to his ghostly skin and tangled hair and frail build and- no-

God, Kevin, his polar opposite, what with his sports and coordination and popularity and friends and goals and talent and career dreams and future and great smile and soft, fluffy, shiny hair and bright, clear, green eyes and great, muscular body and---

_“Hahhh…” _

Edd rests his forehead against the mass-produce shower wall. The cold water runs down his back to his ankles like a shiver.

_“I thought I’d gotten over you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading <3 
> 
> I am sorry, jocks, this is wild but like I am part-jock: I played lacrosse for 7 years, varsity in HS and club in college at one point I had like an 8-minute mile or something crazy lmfao 
> 
> anyway jocks have never done anything bad to me other than get better grades and have social skills and my whole hs football team was in AP classes and my lacrosse team had the highest GPA per sports team in our school and they were all super nice and I, ME, was the weirdo on my sports teams so uh yeah. Just gonna play with this stereotype for a bit and uh I have some definite ideas for directions to take it in, so please look forward to that.
> 
> There's so much I'm desperate to add in and so much I haven't said yet and aedbzxcvsdfghjkl this is such a juicy story I've been putting together for like idk 5 years so I'm really glad I'm finally getting to share it with others!
> 
> Bonus i guess, I have some doodles of uni!kev and uni!Edd somewhere on my computer so I can post em somewhere and link if anyone's interested
> 
> Remember to smash that mf kudos, bookmark, subscribe, and leave a comment!
> 
> Also this is the first chapter I'm actually trying to use the html for italics so uh let me know if i did alright, I'm open to spelling, grammar, punctuation suggests, and esp any ao3 specific advice like tagging! Just tell me if anyone wants anything tagged or if I've mistagged anything.
> 
> See you next time!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I have some art for this fic (sort of) that I can link to eventually if yer inchrested
> 
> Don't forget to leave kudos, bookmark, sub, etc, and a comment telling me what your favorite line/part was!


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